Cuts Like a Knife

I just got back from my vacation, and I should be on cloud nine right now. I've been to 22 consecutive Indy 500's, and this year's race was the most exciting I've seen. Sam Hornish, Jr. making a pass on Marco Andretti in the final straightaway for the win, it just doesn't get any better than that. But instead, I'm feeling lower than low. I was looking through the local paper from when I was gone, and came across the wedding announcements. There in black and white was the woman who I've been in love with for over two years now, engaged to someone else. I'm just kind of numb right now. I guess on one level I've always known nothing would come between us. But I allowed some part of me to foolishly believe that somehow, someway we would end up together. I clung to this fantasy for so long, it just makes this hurt even more. I really just solidifies my fears that I'll never find anyone, that I'll end up alone. I'm 29 years old, and the Big 3-0 is closing in rapidly. I'm just so tired of being lonely.

IT'S VACATION TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

Vacation time has finally arrived! It has been exactly a year since my last real vacation, and I cannot wait! One week of leisure time, hitting some brew pubs, and watch the Greatest Spectacle in Racing, the INDY 500! The only thing that would make this vacation even better would be if the Indiana Pacers were still in the playoffs and I could maybe catch a game, but oh well. Hopefully I will return from my vacation to have a kick-ass job offer waiting for me!

One Reason for My Lonely Loserdom

I have made a momentous discovery in the past few days. One reason (if not the main reason) I'm a lonely loser is because I'm painfully shy. I remember as an undergraduate in college when I took the Myers-Briggs personality test, I came out as a big-time introvert. In fact, I had an introvert rating of 49, which is basically off the charts. I can interact with people when I have to, but to be honest dealing with people just wears me out and I'd rather just be by myself. I find private time to be invigorating and refreshing while dealing with crowds to be tedious and tiresome.

I think part of this is due to my bastard father. That son of a bitch never missed an opportunity to take a cheap shot at me. He never met an insult he didn't like. Every conversation with him basically revolved around the theme of "f**k you." I was never good at anything, I sucked at this, I sucked at that, I was a failure, etc. Yet I was better than him at everything I ever accomplished; sports, school, you name it. I think he has this insecurity that I am so vastly superior to him and he just can't take it. So he feels the need to tear me down just so he can feel better about himself. What a low life.

Another Kennedy Cover-up

Gee, another member of the Kennedy family breaks the law and gets away with it for no other reason than because he's a Kennedy. How shocking (note the heavy sarcasm). Of course I'm referring to Patrick Kennedy's car crash a few days ago. Let me get this straight; he's driving erratically at 2:45 am without his headlights on, nearly hits a cop car, crashes into a barricade, has bloodshot eyes, staggering, and slurring his words. If it were you or me, we'd be hauled off to jail for DUI in short order. But because he's a Kennedy, no field sobriety test is administered and he's given a ride home by the police. But then again, getting away with breaking the law is something Patty probably learned from his daddy (remember Chappaquiddick?).

On a related note, I am sick and tired of hearing about this stupid "Kennedy Curse." The JFK and RFK assassinations were tragic, and two of the greatest crimes ever committed against not just an individual but to the nation as a whole. Outside of this, all the incidents that have given rise to this notion of a "curse" aren't curses at all, but examples of a disgusting hubris by the Kennedy family that the rules do not apply to them.

Graduation's Mixed Blessings

There is good news and bad news that comes with graduation. The good news is, a significant challenge and phase of life is over and you have succeeded. The bad news, now you have to find a job to pay off all of your student loans! I have some money in my savings right now, but before long Uncle Sam will come along and start asking for his money back. I'm waiting to hear back from one place, but it's unlikely that I'll hear from them until late in the Summer. Till then, making ends meet could be tight. I just have to keep my head up and stay positive. I have almost seven years work experience and a MA in Political Science, I should (hopefully) find something before too long.